Prowls Contraband List

[Sunstar]

Riley and Prowl here with a list of things that are now Contraband on base. Sorry guys, you were warned!


1. High Grade. (Exempt in the Bar Area/Rec. Room)
-- Specifically home brewed high grade made by Sideswipe or Sunstreaker. I do not expect to see it used as betting material either. Anyone caught in possession faces cleaning duty or extended monitor duty.

2. Duct Tape.
-- See incident report from Indian Ambassador's trip and Huffer's medical report. Ratchet does not appreciate removing duct tape from mini-bots.

3. Wool.
-- The Decepticon are not sheep, despite how they act. Please refrain from trying to make them look like them Wheeljack. Animal rights protestors do not enjoy the sight of 'sheep' getting blow up.

4. Music.
-- Specifically loud enough music to damage audios or to be heard clearly through any of the Ark's bulkheads. Jazz, Blaster this includes you.

5. Mud.
-- Autobots will head straight to wash racks if excessively dirty, unless other important duties prevent it. Cleaning is a foremost priority after duties have been attended to.

6. Skunks - Amended to included skunks, porcupines, jack rabbits and bears.
-- All wildlife must be first cleared, by either myself or Red Alert, before it is brought onto base, Hound. Wheeljack does not want anymore nesting in his lab.

7. P.S. Notes.
-- These are not conducive to reports, especially if they read 'I've stuck a note to your back'.
-- This also includes any of the Special Operations team sticking the same notes to Decepticon backs whilst undercover. Whilst the pictures taken as proof are great moral boosters, the endangerment to operatives is too great.

8. All Jackass Movies.
-- The pranks do not need encouragement or further ideas adding to the pot.

9. Pink, fluffy frou-frou's.
-- Whatever these are, Ratchet never wants to see one again.

10. Ratchet's tools.
-- These are strictly off limits to everyone. Replacing his wrenches with rubber ones may save dented helms, but our CMO is not a mech to be trifled with. Any punishment will come straight from him.

11. Cameras.
-- These are now banned from personal use since Sideswipe used them to gain blackmail material.

12. Paint.
-- Paint is to be stored only in Hoist and Grapple's work area. Anyone wanting a repaint will see them. Sunstreaker this includes you.
-- Paint ball guns are strictly forbidden.
-- Anyone wishing to keep their limbs attached to their chassis would be advised to note when Sunstreaker has a repaint and not to scratch it. I will deal with his actions after such incidents.

13. Cannabis Amended to include all human drugs.
-- We need no repeats of Beachcomber's 'testing'.

14. Dodge ball with mini-bots.
-- Samuel and Epps have now agreed to teach no more sports.

15. Worms.
-- This computer game is now banned after the incident with Ironhide's cannons and the 'carpet bomb'.

16. Nitro-glycerin.
-- Wheeljack is never allowed this substance.

17. Bumper stickers.
-- They do not present the right image to the humans. This includes 'Quit staring at my aft' ones.

18. Attempts to make Red Alert call Immediate Lock Down are forbidden. Our Security Director is merely doing his job, do not take advantage of his paranoia.

19. Any attempt to apologize via tape from a long distance away is not appreciated. The punishment will still stand.

20. Attempts to fry my CPU are forbidden. I do not appreciate it. Neither does Ratchet.

21. To All Senior Staff – No one is to go to Jazz on advice about how to reprimand those who break the rules. His methods are not within regulations.

22. Do not write or say 'With love from Prowl' on any report on my behalf under any circumstance. Jazz.

23. Wheeljack has requested that the 'Beam me up Scotty' jokes cease.

24. Valentine's Day.
-- Whilst this is not strictly banned, there are restrictions in place on the giving of presents. See Red Alert or myself.

25. April's Fool.
-- This is not a free for all prank day designated by Primus.

26. Ratchet has banned Jet Judo, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker.
-- Amended to include Optimus Prime. Sorry sir, Ratchet out ranks you on medical matters.

27. Fender Bending with Stunticons is strictly off limits.
-- Ratchet refuses to mend anyone caught doing this. You will be passed to First Aid or Swoop.

28. Hacking personal files is utterly forbidden.
-- Jazz has hacker morals. Do not attempt to bribe him.

29. Halloween.
-- Only those off duty may go 'Trick or Treating' and not on base.

30. Jazz's Personal Equipment.
-- This is not for general use. Anyone caught attempting to find, use or steal it will be left to his punishment.

31. The word 'Duck' is now to be reconsidered in the field. A more descriptive term is advised since Hound used it to describe a real animal and the whole Aerialbots team ended up in a canyon.

32. Pornography.
-- The humans do not need to see the Cybertronian version of this and I do not need to see the human version of this.

33. Human television and internet.
-- Not to be used whilst on duty.

34. Gorilla Glue.
-- It is not to be used to stick furniture to the ceiling.
-- Nor are gorillas to be tested to see if they 'produce' it.

35. Monty Python.
-- Ministry of Silly Walks, Killer Rabbits, French accents and crucifixions are banned.

36. To Jazz – On a personal note, refrain from poking my door wings and sirens in public, however tempted you are.
-

Our thanks to Jazz for his input and www.fanfiction.net/u/275053/The_lunatic_who_cares. If any of the other members of staff which to add to this list, please contact me or Riley.

Prowl.

[Sunstar]

Once again here is an update to the Contraband List and once again thanks soo much to www.fanfiction.net/u/275053/The_lunatic_who_cares for the help, Prowl and I really appriciate it.


Thank you to those of you that took the time out to consider this list and send me other suggestions. I took them all under consideration, but some of them are a little beyond the realms of being able to enforce them.

For example, Anonymous' suggestion we ban general stupidity, because they are developing an allergy to it. Whilst it is a splendid idea, it would mean a good number of our forces being put into stasis lock whilst they are not on duty, which is not legal, however tempting.

The other main item on the list that cannot be banned is Fan girl letters and presents. I know many of our members do not encourage them, and as they come from outside sources, it is not something I can truly consider.

I understand it is a human tradition to send these items to show their appreciation and we cannot ask them to stop as we are their guests on this planet. I would ask receivers not to brag about their items nor for receivers to be teased about what they get either.

Item 4 has been amended to include such songs as 'It's A Small World', 'I Know A Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves', 'Barbie Girl' and 'Macarena'.

Item 15 has been amended to include all Video Games whilst on duty.

---

37. Strobe Lights.
-- These present a significant risk to the sensitivity of optics and increase the risk of Red Alert's paranoia fits. Anyone caught with them, on or off, without prior permission will be spending the next shift working under Ratchet's care as he explains why they do so much damage.

38. Make up.
-- I do not wish to know why this was suggested but the mental image it conjured was enough for me to agree to ban it.

39. Cymbals.
-- The Base has inbuilt alarms for the use of waking you up in time for your shift. Bashing two metal plates together above someone else's head is not an allowed method.

40. Silly String.
-- Ratchet has informed me the next bot caught with this will be filled with it and left to work out how to get it out of themselves alone in the brig.

41. Glitter.
-- It is not appropriate to cover other members in it before human dignitaries arrive or before we head out into battle. The resulting sparkle is not respectable and draws too much attention in a fight. It also won't make you a vampire Sideswipe.

42. Energon Spiking.
-- Caffeine, Red Bull and Sugar is hereby banned unless it is within the provided human sections of the Base. The result of spiking energon with either is physically damaging to the bot that consumes it and mental damaging to others who witness the actives the 'high' mech gets up to.
-- No one is allowed to spike Sunstreaker's energon with antipsychotic remedies. They do not work.
-- No one is allowed to spike Red Alert's energon with Prozac either. Inferno is left to deal with the overly cheerful Red Alert and it distracts him from his actual duties.

43. YouTube.
-- No one is allowed to upload to this site. The humans do not benefit by seeing what goes on when you are off duty and doing things that are strictly off limits.
-- I may allow videos of Decepticons doing ridiculous things, but they must be vetted first and at any signs of retaliation from the enemy I will stop the activities.

44. Toilet Paper.
-- This is banned from all non-human sections of the Base.
-- It is also not for decoration.

45. Offensive Jokes.
-- In particular human jokes around visiting humans. We are guests on this planet.

46. Skateboards.
-- However you've made Transformer sized rocket propelled skateboards is not the issue Sideswipe. They are dangerous to use inside the base.

47. Lasers.
-- It is not funny to watch mech’s dive for safety when they see little red dots on their chassis.

48. Speeding.
-- You are required to pay for your own speeding tickets. I do not care how you get the human money, only do so legally.

49. Potatoes.
-- Placing these up someone else's tail pipe will get you a trip to Ratchet and a potato of your own.

50. 'Are we there yet?' questions.
-- Such immature behavior will mean you spend all your time on base. You'll be 'there' all the time.

51. Hyperbole.
-- This is a figure of speech. Do not take it literally. You should be used to the Decepticons using it by now.

52. Fake Blood.
-- Human or Cybertronian. It is disturbing and makes everyone panic.

53. Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.
-- Don't Panic signs, 'Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters', happy doors and Vogon poetry is now banned.

54. Doorbell Ditch.
-- Do not ring/knock on bots doors and then run away. I will let the Dinobots into the culprits rooms.

55. Street Racing.
-- This is banned inside or outside the base.

56. Hardening Foam Filler.
-- This is strictly off limits to those without permission to use it. Whilst I have yet to catch whomever filled Inferno's nozzle with it, I am currently reviewing the information at hand.


I will hopefully have the next set up soon since most of these were written up on a datapad hours ago and we are only just now posting them - Fraggin' Decepticon Glitches!!!

[Sunstar]

Well, yet another posting for Prowl; he is really wanting these Contraband Lists put up - Oh well, onwards.


Further Additions

It seems that improving this list has just encouraged more creative thinking amongst certain members of this crew. Whilst I am not trying to discourage creative thinking, I am actively working against pranks.

My thanks to Hound, Mirage, Cliffjumper, Ratchet and www.fanfiction.net/u/275053/The_lunatic_who_cares for pointing out some of the newer items currently being used.

---

Item 34 has been amended to include Rubber Cement and No More Nails.

Item 38 has been amended to include perfume and after shave. The 'Lynx effect' does not work on Cybertronian’s. It's a marketing ploy.

Item 48 has been amended to include drunk driving. I shouldn't have to point out driving whilst inebriated is dangerous.

Item 52 has been amended to include fake bullet holes and skid marks (real or fake).

Item 55 has also been amended to include smoking starts. Burning rubber badly corrupts olfactory sensors for some time after.

---

57. Baking soda, vinegar and flour is only to be present on the Base in the human sections.
-- Filling the med bay with the first two will just get you reformatted into a poop scoop, according to our rather irate CMO and the last is not for turning mini-bots into ghosts.

58. Styrofoam packing peanuts.
-- Do not fill anyone with these as they are extremely time consuming to get rid of. This also includes Optimus' trailer and Optimus himself, Sideswipe.

59. Sifl and Olly (In connection to Item 52).
-- I have never heard or seen this human show but Gears requested that it is stopped from being played over the loudspeakers. I concur. The internal communication system is not for frivolous activities.

60. Swearing.
-- Whilst I wish to ban this, I suspect we would never see certain members of our Command Staff again. All I ask is that you refrain from swearing, in Cybertronian or Earth languages, around the humans.

61. Furbies and Tribbles.
-- The next time I see one of these furry animatronic creatures I am going to let Ironhide blow it up.

62. Fire Works.
-- These may be used on appropriate human celebration days (see Lennox, Riley, Samuel, Mikaela or Epps and Graham) but only with my prior consent. They are never to be used inside the Base.

63. Silly Putty.
-- Which ever human invented this should be forced to explain why he thought it was a good idea and whoever introduced into the Base should be forced to listen.

64. Mythbusters.
-- Wheeljack, you may conduct these style experiments at the Mythbusters Studios but not at the Base and you are not to take Cybertronian equipment with you.

65. Drills and Dry Ice.
-- We are not redecorating the Base
-- Therefore Dry Ice does not add to the atmosphere.

66. Wikipedia.
-- No amending any entries. If you find any that present any incorrect information about us please inform myself or one of the other Staff members.

67. Sedating Megatron.
-- Whilst this is a sound idea in principle, it would be near impossible to achieve and Ratchet refuses to re-write his core programme as it is against medical ethics. Plus I believe 'hell would have frozen over' before anyone could get close enough to inject Megatron, Jazz.

68. Oreos.
-- I do not want to know why Red Alert keeps insisting they are banned.

69. Magic Beans (In reference to Item 48).
-- You are not allowed to pay for you speeding tickets with them, or swap Cybertronian equipment for them.

70. Cling Film.
-- Covering doorways, the top of energon cubes and the waste disposal chutes just makes a mess.

71. Red Glow Sticks.
-- No one is to use them to imitate Decepticon optics in the dark. The rest of us would like to get back to our quarters some time that joor without having to negotiate Red Alert's Lock Down Procedure.

72. Carmel.
-- Liquid or solid. It is not to be put on another mech nor used to spike energon.

73. 'Skippy's List' stands not as an idea, but a good place to go to read up on further things that are not mentioned here, but would be a good idea not to try.

74. The Evil Overlord List is not an invitation to try to become one and gain world dominance. It is also NOT to be sent to the Decepticons. They don't need help waging this war.

75. When given an order the proper response does not include the word 'no' in any form.
-- Especially 'The man on the TV told me to say tuned', 'I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes', 'My plot to take over the world is thickening', 'I don't want to leave my comfort zone' or 'The least time I left, I didn't come back'.

76. Do not send out general messages to explain where you are at all times or what you are doing. Teletraan One is quite capable of locating you should anyone need to find you.

77. Facebook, Twitter, Bebo, FML and other such messaging sites will be banned if you cannot use them constructively and in your free time.
-- Also do not set up accounts in other bots names to get them some 'friends'.

Amendments and additions - as of 18:34pm

I apologize to any delay in updating this list. As you are no doubt aware the past few weeks have been extremely stressful due to the Decepticons gaining reinforcements. Whilst that seemed to have curbed the pranks, it seems now that we have a lull in the fighting that some mechs see this as an opportunity to 'boost moral'. I would like to thank Jazz, Optimus, Ratchet and Elita-One and also www.fanfiction.net/u/275053/The_lunatic_who_cares for their input.

---

Item 7 has been amended to include amphibians.

---

78. Faeces.
-- Fake or real, I do not need them leaving as presents on my desk in the morning.

79. Emergency generators.
-- These are for emergency use only.
-- This also means that you cannot use other bots as generators when the power goes out whilst you are watching television.
-- Hound also asks that you stop trying to use him as a projector.

80. Black out paint.
-- Painting this on cameras sends Red Alert into a fit and painting it onto bots optics whilst they're in recharge results in panic.

81. Pretending to be blind.
-- It is extremely disturbing to anyone who encounters this and it also mocks those who have been blind.
-- Jazz stop encouraging this by taking off your visor. Just because you can manage completely fine without your sight does not mean other mechs can.

82. Download sites and SPAM.
-- I shouldn't have to ban these as up-to-date virus protection should stop anything nasty being transferred but as some mechs seem to be skipping out on medical checks, Ratchet has reported an increase of infected files.
-- The amount of spam crossing Teletrann's servers are causing a slow down in the processing time and I won't tell you how dangerous that is.

83. Dating Services and Viagra.
-- No one needs to be signed up to these. I'm not even going to ask why anyone would even think Viagra would work on a Cybertronian.

84. Garden Gnomes.
-- Ratchet has classified whomever filled the Dinobot's room with garden gnomes as certifiable. Jazz called them gutsy. I say you're on your own if they catch you.

85. Sailor Moon and MewMew Power.
-- We do not often get visits from the femmes and we certainly won't be receiving anymore if they continue to wake up with cat ears and tails stuck to them, or costume helpful retrofitted to fit them. Elita-One informed me that if she found out who it was then she would be taking matters into her own hands.

86. Photoshop.
-- I do not want to see the results of this. I saw the latest one involving Megatron and certain members of our forces. If you must fill your free time by making up pictures, make sure they are all of the Decepticons and they all see the results.

87. Pine Cones.
-- Whatever you choose to do with them, don't do it inside the Base.

88. Bonfires.
-- Inside the Base is strictly prohibited. It sets off alarms, the fire dampening system and causes all manner of problems with the floor.

89. Food Coloring.
-- This is now banned in any non-human section of the Base. Coloring energon a different color without asking is just rude. Swapping energon for colored water is dangerous to your health. Sideswipe we know that it is you and you can be sure I will be searching you, your room and all your hiding places for the substance.

90. Aerosol Cans (in connection to Item 12 and 64)
-- These count as paint.
-- We are still not redecorating the Base. 'Signing' it is also not allowed. We all know who was here, thank you, and art work can be kept to your rooms.

91. Trebuchets.
-- Whilst it is encouraging that you are studying Earth's history, you don't have to make their weapons of war in the middle of the recreation room.
-- You also don't have to test them with minibots.

92. Mirage's Electo Distrupter.
-- This is for his use ONLY. No one else is allowed to 'borrow' it to wander around invisible. It is bad enough he does it.

93. Zorbing.
-- Where anyone got a giant inflatable ball from is enough to make my CPU freeze. Please just do this far from the Base where I can't see you.

94. A note for those of you that do PR visits to human children education facilities. If they ask you where Transformers come from, ignore the question.

95. Dancing.
-- Specifically whilst on duty or in the middle of a battle. It is extremely distracting to everyone, especially if you deliberately are doing it badly. On occasion it has been useful against the Decepticons, but your own side would appreciate some warning before you start 'getting down'.

96. If you are due a medical check-up with Ratchet, go on your appointed time and date. The joors spent hunting for you is a waste of resources and time that could be better spent elsewhere. It also makes Ratchet bad tempered for the rest of us that are due in after you.

97. Armory.
-- There is a reason this is locked at all times, with only specific bots having access. Whomever left it open is jointly responsible for all the pink flowers now painted onto the guns stored there. Ironhide very nearly went apoplectic when he discovered it.

98. Ring tones.
-- Comm.‘s do not need ring tones.
-- This also means you can't change other bots comm. alerts, including changing Blaster's to the Macarena, which I would like to point out has already been banned on the Ark.

99. Red vs. Blue.
-- I had hoped no one was stupid enough to try and repeat this, but it seems certain mechs wish to prove me wrong. No one on the Base is called Honk Honk and blargh does not mean yes, or no. Ironhide is also not Sarge.
-- Grifball is utterly banned. Bumblebee is not Grif and therefore no one needs to try and beat him with hammers, or give him bombs to hold.

100. Twister.
-- Or more specifically retrofitting the intruder floor sensors to light up and call out which color you may stand on with whichever limb.

101. Remote Controls.
-- Specifically those designed to control human toy cars. Attaching them to your fellow Autobot members and driving them around (badly) results in injury and is a violation of certain freedoms. Perceptor counts, even though his alt mode is a microscope.


Riley here, that should be all for now. Unfortunately Prowls processor glitched as we were going through these as I typed them; guess I had better call Ratchet to come and get him to Med Bay, catch ya'll laters.

[Sunstar]

Afternoon y'all! Jazz here. I'll b' takin' over this session o' contraband items, since you guys kinda put Prowler outta commission with all yer weird suggestions. Some of 'em were too illogical fer that processor o' his, so while he's out o' it, as third in command, I'll be takin' over th'list duties. Thanks t' 'Jumper, Silverbolt, Hot Spot, Blurr, Chromia, Optimus, Lennox, Mikaela, Samuel, Zac, Riley, Abbey, Epps, Graham, Ratchet, Hound, Mirage, Hide, Grimlock 'n Smokes for their info. An' meh course. Strap in, guys!

Mikaela and Riley asked me t' ban Zac and Samuel, but I somehow doubt I can do that. What I will say is that Hound's not longer allowed t' describe biological cycles in any detail 'o anyone.

I also can't ban Air Raid, Blades 'n Slingshot from seein' each other, but I have t' admit th' fightin' outside th' trainin' rooms is getting' outta hand. I WILL lock 'em in a room together if they don' stop it until they make friends. An' believe me, I will.

---

Item 5 has been amended t' include Miko Miko Nurse, Watashi no Tamagoyaki, The Doom Song, 18 Wheels on a Big-Rig, Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan, 'Anything' by Hyadain, Caramelldansen, Eva's Polka, the Top Gun theme, Happy Tree Friends, The Numa Numa song, 'Boom Boom Pow' by the Black-Eyed Peas, Never Gonna Give You Up, The Touch, Dare To Be Stupid, Dennis Leary's 'Asshole' song, the James Bond theme and Mission Impossible theme.

It's getting' really old fer us Special Ops t' b' walkin' down th' corridors 'n havin' some mech stalkin' us while hummin' those themes.
…..Slag, that's a long list o' songs. He'll b' tryin' t' ban music soon!

Item 11 has been amended to include First Aid's tools as well as Ratchet's. Jus' because he ain't as grouchy as our beloved CMO don't mean he can't nail ya from th' other side o' th' Rec Room! An' believe meh, it's easy fer meh t' find out who did it!

Item 13 has been amended to include paint grenades. Even though they get more mechs when ya throw 'em… Also amended to include glow paint. Mirage's paint was spiked with this 'n now he glows when he turns invisible, which kinda defeats the purpose.

Item 58 has been amended to include t' include Styrofoam cups, since 'Jack can apparently blow 'em up without addin' anythin' t' 'em.

Item 36 has been amended t' include all mechs pokin' the Aerialbots and Powerglide. I suspect Blue 'n Smokescreen'd appreciate yeh not pokin' 'em either, however temptin' it is.

Item 91 has been amended t' include all medieval human weaponry. We have lasers bots, why?

Item 82 has been amended t' include games. I don' care how good Call o' Duty is, we do actually need Teletraan.

Item 98 has been amended t' include blow horns. Gettin' a mech's attention ain't hard with th' comms, 'n horns not only scare th' crap outta most mechs they, unless yeh have implants like meh, can damage yer audio receptors.

Item 17 has been amended t' include oranges. Apparently they can be used t' make napalm. I'll be takin' charge o' the oranges on base. I think they'd make nice presents fer th' Cons, don't you?

Item 18 has been amended t' include signs that say 'wide load' 'n mudflaps with naked women on them. Optimus ain't happy, that's all I'm sayin'. Blurr's also been complainin' 'bout th' Mach 5 'n Flash stickers appearin' on his chassis in various places. They're banned too, which is a shame since I was gonna repaint him while he recharged…. He'd look good in red and yellow, don' yeh think?

Item 57 has been amended to include maple syrup and whipped cream. I really, really, really don' wanna know.

---

102. Iron Filings 'n Magnets.
-- Sides, y' ain't "Wooly Willy" 'n Ratchet's told me he ain't repairin' ya if yeh get th' filin's in yer joints. Swoop needs th' practice 'pparently.

103. Barney.
-- Apparently Grimlock's threatened pain t' th' next person who calls him 'Barney'. I ain't gonna stand in a mad Dinobot's way, so don' look at meh.

104. Roleplayin'.
-- While th' roleplays themselves are acceptable 'n damn fun at times, I wouldn't recommend comin' int' battle in costumes as a good idea. It's fine if th' Cons're laughin' they're afts off, it's when th' Autobots are too that we have a problem, meh included. Hard t' sneak around when yer gigglin' too much.

105. Ironhide's Guns.
-- No switchin' 'em out fer ones that spray water 'n fluffy animals everywhere. Not exactly useful in battle! An' no putting popcorn in 'em either. They don't go pop. Yes, it's from personal experience.

106. Plants.
-- Stop fillin' Hound's room with 'em as some're growin' like wildfire 'n others smell really unpleasant.

107. Helium 'n Sulphur Hexafluoride.
-- It's dangerous fer th' humans. Too high a concentration means they can't breath, 'n Ratch'd rather them not faint 'n die on him.

108. Alcohol.
-- Th' one who gave this t' Samuel knows full well who they are as Prowler's been in touch, 'n they will b' subject t' my tender punishments.

109. Blanks.
-- When I find whoever's been firin' these 'round Red Alert, I have been told by Prowler there will be no limits fer their punishment. Be warned.

110. Ninja Turtle Masks.
-- While I appreciate bein' thought of as a ninja, it ain't cool t' wake up 'n not be able t' see anythin' because someone's tied a Ninja turtle mask t' my visor. I am not Leonardo 'n never will be. Quit it.

111. Hitchhikers.
-- Bringin' 'em back t' base ain't a good idea. Red fritz's too much, they ain't cleared 'n Blue gets freaked out they might b' phantom travellers.

112. Back To The Future Movies.
-- 'Jack plus this movie equals a HUGE no-no. I shouldn't have t' explain why.

113. Floor Wax.
-- While usin' fer th' floors is fine, over usin' it in large quantities ain't th' brightest idea ever. Nor are banana skins. Sideswipe.

114. Window Pens.
-- Ratch says it's a bitch t' get off 'n the messages he has t' get off ain't exactly orthodox. I really wouldn't if ya value yer chassis. Course, if ya don't, then be ma guest 'n frag The Hatchet off.

115. Jarate Jars.
-- NO, puttin' it simply. I ain't sure how yeh managed t'fill Cybertronian sized ones up with human urine in th' first place, but it's gross 'n smells awful. I'll b' takin' over punishment fer th' next Bot who throws one o' them as well.

116. Coconuts.
-- No, swallows don' bring 'em over, 'n th' song is getting' on m' nerves, however lovely ya claim they are.

117. Chewing Gum.
-- Allowed ONLY in th' human section o'th' Base 'n it ain't fer stickin' on furniture or sleepin' mechs.

118. Home Alone Films.
-- Prowler's ruined our fun by sayin' we can't booby-trap th' Base unless we're bein' invaded, 'n that privilege stays with Special Ops, but I gotta respect that.

119. Wii Consoles.
-- Now I ain't bannin' 'em, not with all the effort 'Jack put into out-sizin' 'em for us, but I'm just gonna draw ya attention t' 'em so I can say be fraggin' careful where ya wave the remotes when ya playin'. No more smacked helms or poked optics, 'k?

120. Snow.
-- Inside the Base, c'mon bots, we're on an Island in the Indian Ocean!! Some common sense here PLEASE!! There's enough of the stuff outside on this planet, ya don't need t' bring it inside 'n let it melt all over the place.

121. Remote Controlled 'Fart' Machines.
-- Now, whoever re-engineered these t' make back firin' noises, I'll give ya 10 outta 10 fer thinkin' outside the box, but after hearin' it 30 times, it gets a little old, so put it away younglin's.

Hopefully Prowler'll be back on his pedes soon. Stop overloading his CPU, ya breakin' rule 20 ya know.

Jazz out! ;D